Episode 014 Failure is Bullshit
Episode 014 Failure is Bullshit
Let me telll you about one of my biggest artistic "failures"
This was several years ago when auditioning for The National Tour of Hair. Now you have seen me and know me pretty well by now. I am the biggest hippie around..next to my husband. I am the hippie that pays attention to the moon, and is always sending good vibes. I lead with peace and love, and totally enjoy the woo woo of life. In fact this podcast comes from some of my hippie ways that have sparked change in me and others.
Needless to say I was in the final callback for the role of Dionne. It was one of those where the girls where all in the room and you sing in front of each other. We were singing the opening of Aquarius.
In full disclosure, this song gives me MUCH distress. Mostly mental, but that then cases physical distress with that high note comes (btw it's much higher in the revival recording). I panic. I have always panicked. Even in my voice lessons I panic.
At this point of the audition I wasn't able to get past my mental struggles with the song so of course I crack!
I have never cracked in an audition before, and I was mortified. To be in a room of big, bold voices, and I was the one that cracked.
I held myself together until I left the building, but I knew it was over. I knew I wouldn't be cast.
I walked around the side of Ripley-Grier and lost my shit.
I mean tears, snot, mascara running...the whole bit. You would have thought my puppy was just ran over. I was inconsolable.
It messed up my whole weekend.
After I dried up the tears I began the angry spiral of thoughts:
- "I'm never going to make it"
- "Those girls aren't even real hippies"
- "All casting directors care about is belting"
There was not a nasty thought that I didn't think. I was in the thick of my shit and there was no getting out.
I had failed and there was nothing I could do about it. I was a failure... or so I thought.
Here's the thing about failure: It's not real. Failure doesn't even exist. Failure is a fear based, limiting belief that keeps us from rebounding and crushing our dreams.
Failure is defined as
- Lack of success
- Omission of expected action or result
If we go back to my story; was I a failure? NO
Just because I didn't get one job doesn't mean I am not successful or will never be successful.
Let's take that second definition (Omission of expected action or result): Why did I just expect to get that role? Natural hair? I do yoga? I am a big ol' hippie? Those factors alone do not require me to get a contract. Nothing requires me a contract.
That expectation or requirement that I set up in my mind led me to feel like a failure.
Why did I feel like a failure? Because I told myself I was a failure.
We know all feelings come from thoughts, and that thoughts and feelings are not facts.
If both of those statements are true... and they are then:
Failure is BULLSHIT. It's totally made up. It's a choice if you want to feel like a failure and I am asking you to choose something else.
Choose disappointment, curiosity, possibility, but do not choose failure as an option.
There is no climbing out of the failure hole. It's dark and scary down there and no good comes from choosing to feel like a failure.
Here's what I want you to do next time you blow an audition, get fired, get broken up with; get curious and ask:
Why is this Happening FOR me?
Take the time to feel your feelings first. Cry, scream, eat a pint of ice cream. Let the feelings out then start to move into: Why is this happening FOR me?
It will open up possibilities, it will have you asking questions that your brain will want to answer, it will having you seeing opportunities to do and feel better next time.
The answer may not come right away. That fine. Keep asking the question.
Why is this happening FOR me?